i think my mom watched the whole time
You smell like a Billy Joel song
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
