He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
