Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
