i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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