I want her autograph on my taint
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
