sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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