I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
