I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
