the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
