loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
What a dumb baby whore.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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