Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
