I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
