it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
