I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
