Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
As shirtless as possible
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
