You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
