Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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