Need sex. Gaining weight.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
