can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
