So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
