Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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