you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
