God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
