I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize