Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
