wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
