Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
