I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
