I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
