My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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