if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
