He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
