apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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