i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Success! We fucked roommates!
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