the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
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