Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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