the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
