What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
