the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
