So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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