Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
