It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
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