Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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