Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
