i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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