I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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