Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
