i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
You can't motorboat a personality
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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