And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
