So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I said "one day" and that day is not today
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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