i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
